I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
