Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
