i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
