I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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