I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize