I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
