Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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