So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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