i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
