My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize