physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
