I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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