Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
