his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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