You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
