Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
