I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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