My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
