i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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