How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
