...so i touched it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
