I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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