How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
