Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
