hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
