i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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