Plan B is the new Plan A
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
