Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
