I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
