dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
