it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
