Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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