Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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