She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
