You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize