I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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