About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
