this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
