Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
