i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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