Don't make out with my wife yet
My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
