I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize