is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
