I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
