anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
