this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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