my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
