sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
