Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
