Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dicks are not precious.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
