I think scott just propositioned me for sex
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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