Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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