how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
