Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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