found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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