Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
