can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So many bounce houses so little time
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
