How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
