Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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