I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
