I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
