I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
