I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
