Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
