pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
