Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
